Summer Reflections

I can't believe it's already September. It sure doesn't feel like it, since it's still in the 90's around here. This past summer, has been quite the summer. I feel like it's been a real eye opener for me, in terms of life, family, relationships and I guess, really, my ideology of life.

My summer started off normal enough. Dan got done with work at the end of May, we hung out for a week or so, then headed out to Utah. We were there for about a week and a half, when I got a phone call from my mom, that my older brother had been shot in the head. It was quite shocking news. She didn't know what was going to happen to him. He was in the ICU on life support. I prayed really hard, that everything would be okay. After a couple of days, my other brother called me, and said things weren't looking good. And that basically, I need to come up to WA asap, if I wanted to say goodbye.

Luckily, my sister and 3rd brother live in Utah, and we were able to all get on the same flight to WA. I'm not going to give all the details, but man was it hard to see my brother for the first time. His head was all bandaged up, a machine was making his lungs breathe, which looked very abnormal, his right side was completely numb. It was a tough 3 days, trying to figure things out, decide if we should keep him on life support, etc. 

Plus, I was able to get a better glimpse of his life. He's struggled with drug use since he was about 15. The last year or two, he's been doing really well. He was working for my brother's company, going to church, had a calling, etc. Things seemed good for him. While I was in WA, I found out more information about his past and really his personal thoughts about his life and struggles. He was unhappy. He was still addicted to drugs, though it was an off and on again kind of thing. It really opened my eyes about how I viewed life and the gospel together. Just because you go to church, doesn't mean your life is great. Just because you have a calling, doesn't mean your testimony is solid. Writing this out, makes me go, duh, of course it doesn't. But I think we still think it does, in a way. I thought he was okay, I thought he was over drugs, I thought he had finally done it.

My brother is doing much better by the way. We really thought he was going to die, but he's actually walking now, and learning to use his right side. He still can't really talk, but he's making some progress.

Anyways, this experience just kind of changed the way I look at things. Things aren't exactly black and white anymore. More like differing shades of gray. It's not easy to say, if you do this, then you'll be happy. If you do that, things will work out. I guess I thought that way, and now I don't, at least to some degree. Everyone is different and so is their situation.

Then, a few weeks after I got back from WA, a close friend of mine told me that they didn't feel the church was true anymore and was even doubting the existence of God! That took me by surprise.

Then a month after that, another friend told me she was getting divorced because her husband was addicted to pornography and had been for years.

Then, last week a family member of mine, told me they and their wife, of 13 years were getting divorced. They have 4 kids.

I don't know, it just seems so much has happened to people I care about the last few months. You always hear of things like this happening and it makes you said, but it's never really happened to people I know personally.

I just feel like my ideology on life has been changed. It's hard to explain. Things that were a constant, aren't anymore. I know no one is immune to the challenges of life, but I sure wish they were. I obviously can't make choices for others, but it makes me sad and kind of shakes me when negative consequences occur to people I care about. 

I guess I'm done rambling. Here's to a Happy Fall!!!